*sigh*

Ok, so I gave up on Nano this year. I don't feel good about it. Lesson learnt.
Actually lesson not learnt - I already knew I needed to say no to a lot more things and I didn't! That large part of me that lives in De Nial thought I could take it all on and get it all done and, as usual, it was wrong.
Is misplaced optimism a sin or just a character flaw?

Battle Lines

My sister mentioned in passing yesterday that the family is considering holding an intervention on me. Well there's some news.

Which of my many antisocial and problematic behaviours could they be planning to target I wonder? Could it be my relentless cynicism and brooding depressive belief that life is pretty shit and it is best to pretend otherwise so one doesn't spiral helplessly into an abyss of self destruction? Could it be my venomous and acidic disregard for my fellow humans and seething hatred for politicians, derivatives fund managers and smokers? Could it be my addiction to Spider Solitaire - that sensuous and seductive siren who lures me endlessly onto the rocks of lost time?

No. Apparently, these things don't rate a mention. The family takes it all on board with barely a flicker. There are bigger issues. Issues that threaten the fabric of my life if only I could wake up to their horrible implications.

I look again. Is it the dead lemon tree that I haven't removed yet from the barren (possibly poisonous) part of the yard? No. The trees need trimming? I Mean they're kind of touching those wire things at the front of the house again - that can't be good. No, not that, but yes, they do need a trim. The obsession with re-watching Chronicles of Riddick? Nope. Dodgy and worth keeping an eye on, but no.
What then!?

The evil that hides in plain sight gentle reader is this:
Too many books.

To come here I jettisoned about two thirds of my library, and I have culled and thinned and negotiated ever since. Sure there's a few "rainy day" reads put aside, there's a few in the "maybe read" pile that need to be evaluated, there's the "read once - possibly keep for re-reading" pile, there's the room full of books that fall into the "LOVED IT" category, there's the small collection of first editions, there's non-fiction and reference collection, there's the Batman collection. Very humble collections they are too! There's a few piles here and there I admit. But there are no books in the bathroom! There are no books in the hall! And there are only cookbooks in the kitchen! The shed has only 3 tubs of books, that's not bad considering how much room is in there, but I just don't trust the tubs to stand up to the bugs and pests that rule the kingdom of Shed. All the doors in the house open and close without hindrance. Oh, well, except for that one! But other than that I think the house is, frankly, thin on the ground for intellectual stimulation!

Too many books indeed!
There's barbarians at the gate. Raise the drawbridge! Fly the flags of resistance, rattle your swords in their scabbards, release the monsters into the moat! Prepare for battle!

(Oh, and if you're going to pop by, you're welcome to stay, just let me know a day or two ahead if you can so I can unearth the bed in the spare room, it just has a little "filing" on it for the minute.)

Bronze Nails

I intended to blog tonight, and I even made a bit of an effort to think of decent ideas for once, but obviously this plan has not come to fruition. Please forgive me. I've just spent a cozy two and a half hours snuggled up to my Greader. So many blogs and articles and essays all queued up for me by topic or author. I have barely gotten through half of it. What a pleasure. If only I could read it on the couch.

The major distraction tonight was catching up with new posts from Club Orlov. One of the things I love about this blog is the "been there, done that" nature of the analysis and information. Just because the big big mass of Russia is a long way away (in all the different nuances that hang around after the cold war) doesn't mean we can't learn a lot from their recent history and experiences. It is one thing to look at a bunch of graphs and say, "This is going to be bad" and another to hear exactly how bad (and I don't mean just having to live on cabbage). There are little tidbits too, such as the value of bronze nails.

"It also makes sense to establish stockpiles of non-perishable materials that will preserve their usefulness far into the future. My favourite example is bronze nails. They last a over a hundred years in salt water, and so they are perfect for building boats. The manufacturing of bronze nails is actually a good use of the remaining fossil fuels - better than most. They are compact and easy to store."

I didn't even think about the possibility that nails might be made of stuff that erodes. I mean, that's a stupid idea, right?! What a perfect example of how our thinking as a system is faulty. Not that I'm ever going to be able to build a boat. Or even that I can use a hammer without hurting myself. Who am I kidding anyway, I'm almost certain to die off as soon as the chocolate supply gets dodgy. I've got three lightfittings in my house where I can't even get a lightbulb to work. Plus, I live nearly 150 kloms from the ocean. And I don't eat fish. Now. I reckon if rotten cabbages get on the menu, pretty much anything goes.

But I digress.

It's not just the handy hints towards a happy post-peak-oil-life that I enjoy and it is more than the fabulously footnoted details, it is that Club Orlov presents with a fabulous sense of humour. Anyone who can make me laugh involuntarily about global economic collapse due to the denial of the (easily projected) minimum production volumes and maximum affordable costs of energy has to be clever, resilient and fundamentally very, very funny.

I don't want to spoil it for you in case you have the urge to explore for yourself, and maybe you won't think so, but I'm still chuckling now. Anyway, that's the reason there will not be a blog from me tonight. I've been deliciously distracted and suddenly it is past my bedtime and time to don jammies and sleep. Ah, but my mind is spinning, trying to recalibrate my plan to take in all the knowables, the unknowables, the things we don't know we don't know and now to do all of this and yet remain flexible, with lots more humour!

Solstice and Spaceship Earth

It is winter solstice again; the long night.

I went to my little sister's place for dinner and to play cards and it was good to see them and catch up on their news. Time is moving faster for them now that she's going to have a baby. There's a very finite and concrete sense of 'time left before the baby comes' and 'everything after'. I can see what shape it is giving to weekends and plans and of course their relationship. All the natural winter urges are heightened for them.

I was thinking earlier today - what is the most beautiful thing that you can think of? Or perhaps it is a place or a person or a sound... feel the joy and the beauty it brings you. How precious and wonderful that is.
Now unless you naturally think of the Eagle Nebula, the Sun's corona or the rings of Saturn, chances are very very good that what you thought of - even your top ten - are all here on earth. Everything is here. So why is it that being a 'greenie' or someone concerned about the well being and survival of the planet is still considered such a social crime? I just don't understand how anyone can be so obstinately ignorant of the peril we're in. It isn't even that "if we break this one we don't have a spare" because we know this one is already broken and the question on every body's heart and mind should really be more like "how much can we mend it if we all pitch in?"

All those extinct species won't come back, but maybe we won't all have to genetically merge with salamanders to survive.

Cheerful or Bust

One of my intentions for 2009 is to be more cheerful.

My consulting medical professional suggested that I should "have fun" more often. Apparently he refers to something more active than simply snidely snickering at pointed political essays in The Monthly.

This project was meant to commence last year but was largely unsuccessful. I did discover a couple of odd things. Firstly, that on TV I find Top Gear very funny, but only in the UK version - the Australian version failed to excite. Also, somewhat shamefully, Two and a Half Men can make me laugh aloud causing the dog to startle and check for intruders. This has been waning in the newer seasons, but the mantle has been taken up by the new show by the same writing team (Chuck Lorre & the other guy whose name I've forgotten - sorry mate) Big Bang Theory, which is also stereotypical fare (Geeks don't do social well) but despite my misgivings - makes me laugh.

Next week I'll be going to a music concert. It has been along time since I did this, and I'm already finding myself mentally planning to take a book for the slow bits. Obviously this plan for "having fun" will have to rollout in very small increments. Perhaps I should have chosen someone a little more upbeat than Nick Cave - but you have to go with what you know.

Swimming is still a good option, but there's little scope for snorkling in my sister's pool, so it remains in the 'float around and daydream' mode. Listening to 'cheerful' music is another idea... I've tuned the car radio to a dance channel and that is pretty hilarious, but still seems to fall into the snickering snidely box more often than not. There's a very David Foster Wallace type moment that happens when one is 'faking it till one makes it' where you're watching yourself going through the motions of whatever it is (such as, trying to sing along to inane dance lyrics while cruising downtown Ipswich in the beatup Mazda 323) and this witness character is saying to the other internal selves "Do you really think this is working?! In *any* way?! You are delusional and humiliating the rest of us. Cut it the fuck out now."

Sure it's funny, but is it fun?

On the other hand, laughing at myself is still laughing, and a small step forward, is still a small step forward. Yes. Cop how freaking zen that is!!

Your Mission: Milk. Just. Milk.

You (or perhaps someone you know) goes into the grocery store to buy some milk.
Just. Milk.
How does that normally work out?

Anecdotal evidence suggests that this transaction is likely to result in a minimum spend of about $10, no matter what sized milk container the subject had intended to purchase.

If the subject is tired, hungry and or depressed, this figure is likely to rise to around the $25 mark as impulse ice-creams/magazines/exotic fruits are added to the basket.

You can plot it on a chart
A classic rising line from left to right where the x-axis is decreasing emotional state and the y-axis is amount of cash thrown after the false gods of retail therapy.
This is just in a grocery store remember, we're not even talking access to big ticket items like espresso machines or new speakers for the sound system that would make Hoyts moan with desire.

Today in a practical application of this experiment the subject blew $45 and change in an attempt to buy a litre of milk.
Just. Milk.

How Could This Happen?!
Why hasn't the Rudd government stepped in to protect working families from this kind of insidious bracket creep/erosion of our way of life?! Someone has to stop grocery stores from putting the milk in the far back corner, and from setting the confectionery aisle in front of the entrance. The gauntlet of sugar is a harrowing, chilling, gut-destroying nightmare of gaudily designed sugar lollies, and dark sensuous chocolate wrappers. The subject lowered her head, put her eyes to the floor and walked briskly forward. An excellent strategy that normally works well, this attempt was foiled by her own powerful reticular activation system (AKA Nerd Vision) which caught the merest glimmer of information, processed it on a priority channel and stopped her cold just one step past the target: Star Wars Pez Dispensers.

OMG
Star Wars Pez Dispensers in the grocery store.
Subject was immediately disorientated, was heard to mutter aloud "Darth Vader! Cooooool!" and commenced trawling the entire display to ascertain number and range of characters portrayed and to ensure that one perfect sample of each $2.45 toy/candy dispenser was placed in the shopping basket. Subject then attempted to regain her target item, and snagged a chocolate bar, large box of biscuits, catfood, and tinned food on the way to finally securing 2 litres of milk, before being observed circling back to the Pez Dispenser display to check that no new stock had been put out in the intervening period. The subject resisted the lure of exotic fruit in this instance.

Summary
The mission was successfully completed in that milk was purchased.
The subject exhibited a complete loss of retail control and a new nadir of expenditure for this exercise.
Subject recieves Epic Fail grading for not even eating Pez.