Australians all let us rejoice, for we are protected by our paternalistic government from seeing complicated things on the interwebs

This week it was easy to shake one's head sadly at those poor Chinese people who have suffered the indignity of the whole world knowing that their internet feeds censored Barack Obama's inauguration speech. In a double-whammy they got fucked by their own government and they missed a few good lines. Poor bastards. But then that's what you get for living in a politically shit country, like Australia China.

Of course Australia is a pretty cool and democratic place where if someone proposed that kind of thing it would be laughed at by me the rude people and heavily debated and considered and then rejected by all the polite &/ thinking people. Not just implemented. Not our style.

Aussies like to think of ourselves as easy going and fairdinkum enough to not really need the pain-in-the-arse paperwork. We as a nation are happy to sign up for things that sound like good ideas (with all the best intentions,) but we don't necessarily turn them into anything specific here at home. Our constitution reads like a random chunk of tax law. I guess that's what happens when you're set up by bureaucrats rather than Enlightenment idealists, but I digress.

Australia isn't the kind of place to freak out over, say, art or worry too much about people taking responsibility for their own lives, no way mate! So when our government says that blocking nasty things is for our own good, they probably really know what they're doing. We should just stay relaxed and comfortable, and let them take care of it.

After all, it'll be completely painless. You won't even know there's anything missing!

404 NOT FOUND

Oh Happy Day

Along with millions of other people this morning, I'm in love all over again. Barack Obama has been inaugurated as the 44^th President of the United States of America. He and his family and his team and supporters have created a king tide of hope that sloughed off the mud and spite thrown during the electoral process to wash into office. The swelling pride in the unfolding of this historic event (a first African-American President) took pauses to see if the corruptions we were hurt so badly by in the past would try again (the Florida polling fiasco, dodgy sexual shenanigans, or worst of all, a successful assassination attempt), but they did not. And day by day we came closer to this, Inauguration Day.

I feel like I have been holding my breath since last November. Something akin to living in a movie where the best president in the world has taken office and wrongs begin to be set right, and any moment now the credits will roll and I'll have to walk out into harsh reality. The first US President I remember was Ronald Reagan and his UK counterpart, the Woman who Wore the Pants (or Pearls whichever you prefer), Margaret Thatcher. I've grown up and lived my life in the cold shadow of cynicism that was cast by these people. Their rule was for the benefit of business, of the material, of fear and aggression. I have had my heart broken by the promises of politicians over and over again. For so long it was an abusive relationship of co-dependence and I had to withdraw from it, and turn my heart to the same stone of the people I had despised just so it would stop hurting.

Today that hard stone has melted. There's wisdom and strength in his leadership, and it is shared through a warm confident voice that pitches us sombre speeches of responsibility that ask us all to find a more courageous path towards a better world. History happened today, and not just the facts of firsts and the dates of transitions. Millions of people listened to the same words and together reflected on our relationship to this manifesto. For he spoke to each of us. Here is a tiny excerpt from his speech.

"And so, to all other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and we are ready to lead once more.

Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with the sturdy alliances and enduring convictions.
They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use. Our security emanates from the justness of our cause; the force of our example; the tempering qualities of humility and restraint."

This is a magnificent day.
I want to believe that this is real, that it is really happening. Even more, I want to not feel like a fool in a year's time for daring to hope that we can heed this call. I'm inspired by the crafting of this speech (as are many others) and I hold a cherished anticipation of what it heralds for America, and because we're all in this together, for all of us.

A happy day indeed.

Stop the Madness or the Robots Will Get You

The specter of a grim future under the control of Robot Overlords is undoubtedly something which haunts us all (ok, well mostly just paranoid SF nuts, and people who actually understand networking intelligence and have time on their hands for contemplating the possible consequences).

Now, I do not want Skynet to wake up any more than the next person. Much as Caprica 6 really sells the idea that sexy, intelligent, independent women can be robots too, the bottom line is that there is no scenario so far in which the genocide of humans is not an outcome. Apart from anything else, on the off-chance I was a survivor, I would make a crappy guerrilla fighter and a very poor motivating leader for the resistance.

However it is hard to remember these disincentives when once again the anticipated serenity of a weekend (or a public holiday in this particular instance) is unattainable due to the suburban love of power tools and mowers. Both yesterday and today there has been a cacophony of tedium. Vacuum cleaners, quad bikes, angle-grinders, whipper-snippers and the ever-ready, every-present, ever-painfully noisy 2-stroke mower. I don't mind loud and late parties, I can deal with (if ungraciously) the thoughtless tumult created by feral children. I can even usually bear to endure the tortured screams and furious rampages of the domestically violent couples in the street. These, after all, are all are among the fundamental of human activities. Power tools are not.

Down Tools!
How simple it would be to incorporate a small amount of programmable logic into these and other irritating items. It need not be networked to achieve the goals I have in mind. I just want none of these items to work on state recognised public holidays or on a weekend prior to 9am or after 6pm. Fair enough!

The proles have had long enough to self-regulate in these matters and have proven themselves incapable of doing so. It is time for the elite to assist them in this, as we do in so many other ways with our taxes, entertainments, intellectual specialisations (where do they think those plasma screens come from anyway? Santa's Freakin workshop?) and generally in resisting the spread of informational germs (it's true - stupid people are more likely to believe other stupid people. Sorry "easily influenced people"). Anyway, we could camouflage it as a clock, or a battery readout, or an FM radio and in this way it would become a feature the proles would aspire to owning and the phase-out would be swift. Those with a legitimate reason, and or the ability to read owner's manuals would be able to circumvent the programming and thus earn the ability to use these tools at these times, but I suggest to you that persons of such capacities probably have better things to do with their time during the targeted periods (such as, say, blogging about how the world could be a better, more loving place).

Self Control
I could stop there. I could, really. There's no real need to tamper in a permanent way with the car of the idiot doing burnouts at 2am mid-week. There's no justifiable reason to apply any liquor rationing to the unemployed or those with criminal/violent records. There's no need to restrict the breeding .... No. Our freedoms as humans are absolute and inalienable. Well they might be if we in Australia had ever enacted the Universal Declaration of Human Rights into law. Which we haven't. We aren't the only peoples to look the other way on this one, we're in good company (Malaysia, Pakistan, United Arab Emirates, Vatican City, China and more have all overlooked signing or ratifying the declaration). In light of what some signatories do feel ok about doing my software control proposition seems pretty innocent.

Yeah, really. It's for their own good.

... hey! What do you mean my access to the internet might be curtailed. That's not fair!
Fine. Frack you. Now where's that manual...