My sister mentioned in passing yesterday that the family is considering holding an intervention on me. Well there's some news.
Which of my many antisocial and problematic behaviours could they be planning to target I wonder? Could it be my relentless cynicism and brooding depressive belief that life is pretty shit and it is best to pretend otherwise so one doesn't spiral helplessly into an abyss of self destruction? Could it be my venomous and acidic disregard for my fellow humans and seething hatred for politicians, derivatives fund managers and smokers? Could it be my addiction to Spider Solitaire - that sensuous and seductive siren who lures me endlessly onto the rocks of lost time?
No. Apparently, these things don't rate a mention. The family takes it all on board with barely a flicker. There are bigger issues. Issues that threaten the fabric of my life if only I could wake up to their horrible implications.
I look again. Is it the dead lemon tree that I haven't removed yet from the barren (possibly poisonous) part of the yard? No. The trees need trimming? I Mean they're kind of touching those wire things at the front of the house again - that can't be good. No, not that, but yes, they do need a trim. The obsession with re-watching Chronicles of Riddick? Nope. Dodgy and worth keeping an eye on, but no.
What then!?
The evil that hides in plain sight gentle reader is this:
Too many books.
To come here I jettisoned about two thirds of my library, and I have culled and thinned and negotiated ever since. Sure there's a few "rainy day" reads put aside, there's a few in the "maybe read" pile that need to be evaluated, there's the "read once - possibly keep for re-reading" pile, there's the room full of books that fall into the "LOVED IT" category, there's the small collection of first editions, there's non-fiction and reference collection, there's the Batman collection. Very humble collections they are too! There's a few piles here and there I admit. But there are no books in the bathroom! There are no books in the hall! And there are only cookbooks in the kitchen! The shed has only 3 tubs of books, that's not bad considering how much room is in there, but I just don't trust the tubs to stand up to the bugs and pests that rule the kingdom of Shed. All the doors in the house open and close without hindrance. Oh, well, except for that one! But other than that I think the house is, frankly, thin on the ground for intellectual stimulation!
Too many books indeed!
There's barbarians at the gate. Raise the drawbridge! Fly the flags of resistance, rattle your swords in their scabbards, release the monsters into the moat! Prepare for battle!
(Oh, and if you're going to pop by, you're welcome to stay, just let me know a day or two ahead if you can so I can unearth the bed in the spare room, it just has a little "filing" on it for the minute.)
4 comments:
I have to ask: what would this mooted intervention entail? They're going to come to your house, steal your books and dispose of them somehow? Lots of regular visits where they pilfer individual volumes, and thus gradually reduce your heinous bibliophilic horde?
Madness. Perhaps you should visit them and steal their televisions. Or deactivate them. Just get a nice pair of insulated cable shears and cut the power cord. Cut it nice and close to the body of the TV so that it's difficult to solder back together, too.
It looks like the books are the problem, not the words contained within - so maybe they need to buy you an ebook reader and a gift voucher for Amazon this christmas.
Alternatively, you could go all 'Grand Designs' and build an extension using all your books as building materials. Every now and then you could peel back a layer of wall and read the next page on the books that form it. Not to mention the benefits if you run out of paper in the loo one day.
My readers are genius all! (geni?) How *do* you pluralise that? Geniouses sounds too ungainly to be correct)
Excellent suggestions, thank you both. Although intrigued by the idea of building with the books, I'd rather just get a place with proper walls so I could build bookshelves onto them. This house is made of bookshelf-repelling materials - hence some storage issues. I am indeed curious about what they think they would do, although response to the library has in fact generally been one of delight when I share specific treasures from it. Perhaps the lady doth protest too much?
Anyway I have solved the immediate problem by putting all visitiation on hold. I withdraw.
Plus, my copy of "Make your own Japanese Clothes" just arrived and I found an reference book on Alchemy at the op shop, so I've got some eclectic NF reading to keep me entertained.
Are you planning on infiltrating the first Japanese teahouse in Qld? That book sounds just the thing...
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