Monday, December 22, 2008

Trojan Catholics Decimate Australian Defences

I blame the Catholics for the recession/depression (have we decided yet which it is? I've been wagging my current affairs sessions).
YES YOU HEARD ME! The Fracking Catholics.
It seems like no one is brave enough (a slight exaggeration: allowable under 'Creative Commons: Poetic Licence') to stand up to their "my invisible friend is bigger than you and your invisible friend" crap and tell the TruthTM.

Well here it is; the walls to the Australian economy were opened by World Youth Day 2008.

Oh Yeah. I went there.
The sub-prime crisis? The slowdown of China? Simply acts 2 and 3 to the opening volley fired by the Catholics.

Allow me to plagiarise a small section of David Marr's excellent essay "The Rise & Fall of 2008"(SMH Good Weekend 13Dec08) present some facts.

In July of 2008, after an agonisingly do-gooder buildup, Sydney was constipated by Catholics clogging the city's causeways (except that the City closed off hundreds of streets and asked all 9000 Cityrail staff to work all days). This catastrophic incursion had been anticipated in the possible millions, but only 223 000 turned up. Shame really, we'd catered for about 5 million, given the Randwick racecourse $42mill in venue hire fees (hope they threw in the PA for that!), set the 'annoyance laws' in place (that allowed for a fine of $5000 per offence) (until the full Bench found in July that these laws were invalid, but too late - they were current for the duration of the WYD event) and perhaps most generously (especially in light of other more token funding gestures), the State Government in a festive spirit despite the humbugs chipped-in towards the party with about $120mill.

Much as that's kinda annoying, that's not all of it.
Oh no. I mean, we could probably afford to host a party (let's see $120mill between 223k guests, that's about $538 per head. You get very noice entrees for that) but what we didn't see coming, was the biological attack. That's right, the dreaded Pilgrim Flu that washed through the city. Then? Then it mutated with the general Flu and spread throughout the country, taking down the people it struck for an average of 3 weeks.
I don't have any concrete idea what that ended up costing us, but sick leave in Australia this year came to nearly $27bill.

So, if you're shitted off about the economy right now or how crap Australian films are, or just pretty much in general (and who isn't?) then consider boycotting either Christmas or politicians (or both). After all, it is human nature to prefer to have someone to blame and it will make you feel better.

I feel better, don't you?

This rant presented with the support of a double shot of "Merlo Coffee: Blended, Roasted and Packed in Australia" (but not grown - don't get too excited) and by the letter C.

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