Wednesday, December 17, 2008

You Might be a Qlder If....

Next Sunday will mark the two year date for my move to Queensland. Two Years. 731 days. It feels like a lot longer than that.

I remember thinking through the plan in lots of years, One year for this and this, two years for this, and maybe five in total, max and thinking, "yeah, that's do-able. How hard can it be?! A few years of inconvenience is not such a big price to pay."

That was the voice of inexperience. That was the voice of someone who has played strategic games often enough to grasp the need for room/time to maneuver, but who has had all experiences of social and cultural deprivation fade into softness from the passage of time. Going without by choice in Sydney for a month is very different to going without for two years because even if you try and hunt it down there's nothing to be had locally.

This has not been my only learning. I have had a while now to observe the locals from my camouflaged blind and based on actual events and overheard conversations, I can now present to you the top 10 possibilitites that you're a Queenslander...

You Might be a Queenslander If:

10. You can have a normal shower in under 3 minutes with or without a timer. You would use the full 3 minutes if you needed to wash your hair.
9. You don't own a winter coat and wonder why people do (surely a pullover is enough?).
8. You think Brisbane is all grown-up now.
7. You have 'good' thongs for going out in (for when you really think you should probably wear shoes).
6. You've considered wearing formal beachwear to your court hearing.
5. You went to Sydney once (for a weekend) but didn't like it.
4. You think it is perfectly natural to operate your whippersnipper/mower/chainsaw/anglegrinder whilst wearing thongs or even just bare feet.
3. You exclusively drink Fourex beer, and consider all southern beers (such as, say VB) to be "gay."
=2. During a 42 degree day you've thought it would be a good idea to get some mowing done (and been surprised that you died of heat stroke/coronary attack).
=2. After a wild storm you've thought it would be a good idea to help the SES by 'tidying up' those fallen power lines.
1. You decorate with maroon.

Oh yes. My time here has been well spent.

6 comments:

Michael said...

i did the mowing on sunday at 1pm wearing a black t-shirt and no sun screen, then when finished i sat on the kerb and watched my housemate change his tyre. i wondered why i was sunburnt.

Anonymous said...

Hm. Time-rich in the void, deprived of human contact? What about using the time to really burrow into an obsessive "train the body" task, like say, learning to play a musical instrument? Only 1000 practice hours to basic competence...

J9 said...

Michael, I think you might be a Queenslander!

J9 said...

MsJaye, yours is a tough love. Yours is an electric shock of prod and of stiff heel. I know that you too have experienced thirst in the night, so I accept this presented option in the way in which it was intended.
I now have my own incarnation of the wheel, as we have previously discussed (and yes, the body is responding), and this week did consider reviving the Clarinet ... but I will continue to put my 1000 hours towards words. Sadly, sometimes they will skwark and be off-key and other times I will have good tone and maybe even some rhythym, and perhaps one day you will tell me that you think i have basic competence, and i will be very, very, very happy and possibly even a good writer.

Thank you for unlurking to say hi.

UberExec said...

Adding to number 3 - if you absolutely can't drink beer for whatever reason (which you'll never admit) you always drink bundy and coke. Its the non-gay spirit.

J9 said...

Hi UE! Yes, bundy was in the original draft of this list about 3 or 4 times, but in the interests of brevity I had to restrict appearances. I was thinking of a follow-on feature "You might be an Ipswichian If..." in which case this guideline would have to waived.
Oh, and BTW, you were the millionth reader! How cool is that?! You win a six pack of bundy and coke UDLs! Awesomeness. Just go to my page and enter the code
WILDMONKEYSEXWINNER. Noice.